One sunny Friday afternoon, our 6 trepid explorers met at London Bridge to begin their journey to Badville (via the Thunderdome) with a small stop-over in a small place in the South of England known as East Grinstead.  Travelling to tour by way of cage, the band of plucky adventurers soon became thirsty and set-about quenching their thirst with some of Mr Carling’s and Mr Smith’s finest dyalite fluid replacement formulas.

Having arrived at their final destination, and having erected their portable accommodation unit (Love Shack circa.1975), the band of brothers found that they were still in need of liquid replenishment, and so headed to the ‘Club House’.  Within this ‘Club House’ they were able to find something known as a ‘bar’ from which they were able to purchase large quantities (served in 10 pint pots) of something that the ‘bar staff’ referred to as ‘Snake-Bite and Black’ which the Remnants soon found to be more effective than Mr Carling’s and Mr Smith’s formulas at replacing their lost fluids.  In fact, this ‘ale’ was so effective that soon Mr Curry and Mr Duerden found that they had to empty their stomachs of food because they no longer needed it (this was a precedent that would be set for the rest of the weekend).  What a marvellous liquid this was!  It was discovered that if enough was consumed, then one no longer needed to waste time with the inconvenience of eating.

That Friday night bare breasts were photographed, shapes were thrown and Zip, Boing, Splurge Bunnies was played until the bunnies had drowned in splurge.  I also have a vague recollection of Ring of Fire being a feature, though to this day have been unable to substantiate this with any other members of the Remnants.

On Saturday, our 6 gentlemen decided that they would play a bit of hockey with the young ladies of the Touch-Ups (Maidenhead Hockey Club).  Unfortunately, the 6 friends had been up until late the previous night and their tiredness affected their play somewhat, and resolved to consume more of this wonderful liquid known a ‘Snakey B’ as their tiredness may have been in part cause by de-hydration.

After the hockey had finished for the day, the men of the Gorgeous Remnants decided that they would play a trick on the rest of the tournament by going in disguise to the evening’s festivities.  Two of their number decided to spend the evening dressed as women, one went as a rather green Reverend, one fruity chap went disguised as a professor, one rather mustard (keen as) gentleman decided to go as a colonel, and one of their number decided to just go naked.  Much hilarity ensued and shapes were thrown both far and wide.

Mr Rushmere had agreed to fill his pockets with shapes for those in dresses without pocket.  However this meant that later-on in the evening, Mr Rushmere ended-up throwing some of the other people’s shapes that he’d been holding.  The ice (ice baby) man was on-fire (in the disco).  There was no need to panic though, as the Tour DJ had earlier ensured that as a minimum each Remnant had one pocket (Standard Makin size) full of shapes each, it’s just that Mr Rushmere’s pockets were a lot bigger than anybody else’s.

Sunday was somewhat of a lazy morning for the 6, by now, masterful consumers of Snakey B.  After rising to a breakfast of Snakey B (food was by now surplus to requirements) a quick game of cricket was played (which was eventually found to be the winner).  3 games of hockey were lost in quick succession, but then in the last game of the day, the boys decided to show their true flair and Mr Green lead from the front and scored 3 top draw goals, the last being especially flair.

In order to celebrate this exhibition of champagne hockey and embarrassment of a very serious opposition, the boys decided to see how much ‘red beer’ they could consume without breathing, which ended with the score being; Remnants 6 Breathing 0 (Over-rated).  It was then decided that it was about time that they got together with the Touch-Ups for communal dance and ale love.  According to the young Miss Jodi, of Canada fame, we dealt with it (and ourselves) in the flairest of manners.  We then decided to throw a ball around as way of a change to the sterical-dodecahedrons.  I was lucky enough to pocket it and keep it for a later date.  Let me just say that the shapes were massive, and the love, felt.

Monday was, to be fully honest, very painful to begin with.  Nobody was very keen to consume the Cannan liquid of ‘red beer’.  Mr Makin however, soon put us in our places and lead us through with a power-ball of the biggest proportions.  I would like to note that no other touring team had chosen to consume on Monday and to say we embarrassed every other team with our dedication isn’t going too far.  The consumption was some of the biggest I’ve ever been involved in, and I would like to say a personal note of thanks to Mr Makin for making me consume those 10 pints before 12, as it made me feel so much more awake.